??/??/92---*BOYD (in a nerdy voice): "Before I met Dave, I was a shy, introverted person with no friends, and now I'm a rock star in Charlottesville. Thank you Dave, thank you Dave, thank you Dave." *DAVE: "It only makes me happy that I could be of assistance."

05/26/92, Trax---*BOYD: "Crunchberries, crunchberries, crunchberries."

07/21/92, Trax---(some guy in the audience): "Hey Dave, you're showing a little muscle tonight, I see." *DAVE: "I just thought, as he's pointed out here tonight, I'm showing a little bit of muscle tonight...because, I'm so massively strong that I felt it was unkind of me, unkind of me, selfish of me, to only admire my huge biceps in the mirror at home...when I'm doing what I shouldn't be doing, at home...according to those hairy hand seekers."

08/04/92---(before One Sweet World)---"I wrote a pretty straightforward song when me and Carter and Stefan and Leroi were in my basement a few months ago-and was a really mellow song and then Carter took it and turned it into the funk, this weird Virginia funk Thing, and so it means well in sensitivity but...itll pump ya butt pretty good!"

09/11/92, DKE House---"Could I have been.. a beachfront property...I'm gonna do Dancing Nancies because uh....again cause uh.....cause Fenton's dick's on this woman's hand...where'd she go.....where'd the woman with the penis on her hand go? There was a woman here with a penis on her hand........do you also have a penis on you......but also um.....she also has a penis on her hand. What the hell is with the penis' on everyone's hand?"

11/03/92---"SCHWINGADINK...ba ba da ba da BOW BOW! that shit kicks my ASS!"---"this is a song about little pink drinks that look like condoms...'' -----"with all the excitement of these elections...i lost all my fucking hair" -----''the name of this song is...every once in a while we get a new president.''

11/17/92---"I was feeling the possibility of a cold, a head cold, starting this morning. Because you have to be a very stupid, stupid man to shave your head when winter's coming, and I fit the necessary categories. The characteristics are mine, I'll shave my head in the arctic if necessary, just to be a nu-nu, as my mom would say. "You're a nu-nu, David.'' But more likely she'd say (Daves voice gets high) "nu-nu!" This song is also kind of new.....new.''

12/09/92, Floodzone, Richmond, VA---"This guard rail this evening, keeping you away from us 'cause understandably you're rushing toward the stage causing us fear and terror...was actually here from last night when Public Enemy played here...but you can see that it is conveniently here for us because there is so much use for it. Umm...but you can get quite close, so if you care yo we're not going to do anything unreasonable like cutting the heads off of chickens. It's a very clean show, a very clean show...occasional bad language, but overall a clean show...with examples of cleanliness, this next song, it's called One Sweet World....If you do find the urge to move forward, you don't have to dance but it would be nice because its a long way away."

01/30/93, W&L University---"It's a nice farm animal atmosphere in here...I just talked to the owner Mrs....?? shes in charge of the fires."

12/31/93,The Omni, Richmond, VA---(Section of the crowd counts down the New Year early) "We have a pre- mature ejaculation over here on the right side of the stage, But I'm sure they still got a bone."
03/05/93---''Your Jimi thing can be anything you want it to be. Boyd has a big Jimi Thing. Mine is not as big as Boyd's."

03/17/93---"Thank You! Just in a moment I'm gonna be joined by all my friends up here and then were gonna funk it hard until midnight and then a little afterwards, so we hope you all stay hope that your bar-hopping doesnt necessarily drag you away. You could hop away then hop back or just pretend you hopped away and not hop away at all." ----- "So because it's St. Patricks Day implies that we should be in loud and crazy moods I thought I'd play a love song there's no better reason, no better time for a love song then when everyone wants to scream so I'll play one now and we can get it over and done with and then we'll funk." -------"Thank you, and Stefan Lessard on the bass guitar, born and bred in France, discovered in the streets of Amsterdam."

03/23/93---BLC---"Hello and welcome to this evenings thrilling entertainment...thrill a minute...ah chick!...that intimate vocal sound, hey...how's everybody doin...I hope you can understand what I'm saying...cause I know what i'm saying...as per usual, I'm gonna play a little bit by myself, which I like doing a lot, cause I know what I like and I treat myself well, and I know i'll respect myself in the morning..."

04/18/93, Browns Island (after introduction, and in redneck accent)--- "Well, here I was just takin' a piss not ten seconds ago. Thank you very much, we're the Dave Matthews band."

06/09/93--(conversation between Dave and Carter) *DAVE---"I think tonight's a good night for a daiquiri party....It's fuckin hot." "I don't normally swear at all, unless its fuckin hot." "Then I say it's fuckin hot over and over again." *CARTER - "Is it fuckin hot Dave?" *DAVE---"Fuckin hot means it's not fuckin cold, Carter, you fuckin idiot!" *CARTER---"Dave wants me to fuck him up!" *DAVE----"Jane's my sister, she's fuckin hot, and this is the Song that Jane Likes!" *CARTER---"You mean the fuckin Song that Jane Likes!"

07/06/93, Trax---"I'm gonna do another song by myself and then my friend Carter is going to come out and (in a wierd accent) 'funk it up de back beat. Cha ba ba cha ba ba ba, eeeek! 'cause...Carter does it like that." ---- "Thats Leroi Moore on the saxaphone and (wierd accent again) de Carter Beaufod-be-bo-be-bo-boo!!" ---*CARTER responds to Dave: "What the hell is that shit, man??!!"

08/10/93, The Floodzone, Richmond,VA---(starts playing I'll Back You Up and there's some loud sound coming out of the speakers)... "you know when you're making love with your girlfriend and the dog comes up and licks your balls? that's what that feels like." and then he just goes on to play BOWA.

10/26/93, Trax---(before Say Goodbye)"...um, ah ... I didn't take a shower today. But I haven't even gotten out of my pajamas yet, but um it's not because I just woke up, it's not that either. I just was up in DC, just screwing around but I didn't have time to wash myself before I went up there, so I'm wearing the shirt that I wore last night. So I'm a little funky, look a little disheveled," (In the perfect Monty Python voice) "but I've got a heart of gold. He smells a lot, but hes got a heart of gold."

12/02/93, Virgnia Tech, Blacksburg, VA---"Excuse me...(now in a southern hick voice) ah shouldn't a had that chickin curry tonite, shit...ahm on FIIIIIRE!"

12/12/93---Jefferson Theatre, Charlottesville, VA (After Dave sips on his tea and almost chokes.) "Whoa, hahaha, boy I didn't expect that at all. You ever notice tea was, ever notice, tea with lemon and honey and everything and they got a big fat chunk of something. Might have been lemon, might have been honey. But I doubt it."

1994(several shows)---There is a story about the roadie who was just puzzled because everyone brought cheese for Dave and tried to give it to the roadie to give to Dave. "what is it with you guys and cheese??"

07/17/94---Backstage Tavern, Ballard, WA---After the last song, Dave comes back out for the encore and says "Sorry if it took a little while, I had to smoke a bowl."

07/30/94----"Remember that there are hundreds of thousands of things you can eat that are not cheese."

08/12/94, Ziggy's, Winston-Salem, NC---"I just lay down for a second a couple minutes ago and then I got all grrrogggy. So I'm gonna take a little time to wake up cuz it's all grrrrogggy... (Random bass and sax from Stefan and Roi)...I got a little sister named Jane and this is The Song That Jane Likes." ----- "Are any uh ya all goin to the HORDE shows, the HORDE tour, or is it done for most of you? Is it over for most of you? Well we're gonna be on it from the 15th on so maybe if you're around you could come see us a little bit, but come early, 'cause we're gonna be the coffee show, we're gonna be the after lunch show so be sure you get there bright and early, 'cause (weird, low accent) We ain't no Allman Brothers, we ain't no Blues Traveler, we ain't no Big Head Todd, we the little ole Dave Matthews Band...Ha."..."Happy Birthday Liza, we're gonna give you a birthday present after the show's over ok baby? Ah shit. Ah shit. Shit."

09/28/94--What Would You Say---"This song's about a fat goose!"

10/05/94---"We got some crap you can buystuff you can buythings you can wear. I specified last nightI think you can wear most of this stuff when you're screwing... you can wear most of this stuff when you're not screwing. You can wear the hats...if you're kissing or if you're just drinking coffee...and you can listen to CDs, uh, while you're screwing or drinking coffee." ------"OK, everybody's having a pretty good time here but there are a couple of meatheads down in front pushin' around. If you're gonna shove and push around, GET THE FUCK OUT! I'm trying to play some goddamned music here and I gotta watch a couple of meatheads beatin' the sh*t out of each other, and pretty girls gettin crushed!! GET THE F*CK OUT! GO THE F*CK HOME!!....But I love the rest of y'all, the rest of y'all are f*ckin' excellent."

10/15/94----"It took me a while to get used to that big fuckin' camera that was in my face. It was freakin' me the fuck out. Im still a fuckin' country boy and they got this big fuckin' camera in my face and I'm like FUCK FUCK!"

10/21/94, Mississippi Nights, St. Louis, MO.---(before Recently)---"This is a song about somebody I was fucking...no, this is a song about somebody that I really liked a lot....maybe, I don't know...and I happened to be at the same time that I really enjoyed this person..fucking her at the same time. -----(Before #36)---- Thank you very much, Leroi Moore, Stefan Lessard on the bass guitar. Uh, uh, I guess last year sometime last year, Chris Hani, i don't know if you're famillar with him but he uh, he was the the the leader of the military wing of the ANC and was fighting for a little bit of liberation in South Africa, and he walked outside i guess after breakfast one morning and caught a bullet in the side of his head, and he died soon after that. So anyway, on that day, after hearing that bad news, we came up with this kinda happy groove, and the song's kinda about [weird low accent] love and huggin' and kissin' and dancin' and gettin' babies, and makin' babies, and makin' LOOOOOVE [normal dave voice] It's called number thirty-six." -----(intro to Rhyme and Reason): "This is a song about too much of nothing...it's about Peter, Paul, and Mary..."

12/31/94---Song that Jane Likes---- "Yall sing louder than me, and I got all this sh*t." -------(before True Reflections)--"and so...its one year later...and i'm one year older...and one year closer to being dead...but that....that's ok...it's all a part of growing up...."

01/26/95---So...we havent played for a little while, so were kind of fresh and out of the box and smell like plastic...

02/23/95---intro to Dancing Nancies----so ahh, i know that someone come up to you and say man youre all fucked up, you get pissed off. You say listen man, i am what i am. Sometimes i wonder if maybe when somebody tells me im all fucked up, maybe they got a point or something.

02/24/95---- ...we always have a great time when we come to New York. Its kinda like comin home in a way. Its closer to the east coast than a lot of things. -----He could fry an egg back there and play the baddest drums you ever heard.

02/26/95, Rochester Auditorium-----Dave said that the name Under the Table and Dreaming referred to when youre so drunk you fall down and cant get up.

04/07/95, Durham NC--- So sometimes I wander around a place as beautiful as Duke here, all the nice stone buildings and all the cool people hangin out... I wonder if, maybe Id been slightly different, if maybe I could have ended up here, or somewhere like here, and not been a high-school dropout the way I was, but...uhh..but thats okay; were all different, but were not all _that_ different...

05/05/95, Salem, OR------(After Dave did some of his classic mumble between songs) some guy in the front row - I cant understand a damn word youre saying! Dave being sarcastic in the most normal, generic, American news anchor voice of Ive ever heard, said A gentleman in the front row has kindly alerted me to the fact that Im not speaking clearly. I sincerely apologize to everybody in the building for not speaking clearly enough!!

??Mothers day 1995, Mesa, Arizona---(before WWYS)--- I was walking down the road, and a little green man jumped out of a hole in the ground......he sad(high voice)dip dip dip dip I said what? he said dip dip dip dip i said why did you say that? he said well, what would you say?

07/08/95, Germany----(before WWYS) We come from a part of America where we talk to pigs. You got a lot of pigs out here but in America we talk to them. We say SOOOUUUUUUEEEEE EEEAAA HAH AHA HA!

07/31/95, Austin----I hope you dont mind if we fuck around a little bit, thats what were best at. -----So when your starin up at the sky and dreamin, cause when your dreamin thats the only real free place, is in your head, everywhere else theres someone else tellin you what to do then you stare up at the stars and maybe once and a while some of them move.

08/25/95-----So if youve ever seen those Time Life books and you see that picture of those monkeys, and they call it the picture of evolution, and they start off with the little monkey and they end up with the people. Thats not too long a walk, across that page I dont think. This song is about that monkey.

11/20/95, Vail, CO----- I didnt tell many people this, but this is Vodka!

12/28/95--- I aint promoting drinking or nothing. But whiskey comes from plants. And ya know, whatever comes from the ground has got to be good for you.

12/29/95, Patriot Center---The Energizer bunny, he just keeps goin and goin and goin... one day a giant hammer is gonna fall out of the sky and knock the shit out of him...

12/31/95, Hampton Coliseum---(before nancies)---One thing that wouldnt change... when the new year comes...when you get a couple of beers or a couple of pipes in you, youre feeling okay...

02/02/96--- My friend Doughty from Soul Coughing says that there should be a law that every time someone yells Freebird! the band has to play it. Pretty soon no one would ask for THAT f*cking song anymore!

06/07/96, Great Woods Amphitheatre, Mansfield, MA---(before Proudest Monkey)----Sometimes, when you watch all that stuff on CNN... or you watch Party of 5, bombs blowing up in Bhagdad, watch people shootin each other people hunting for the other people standing on top of the Whitehouse, people standing on Capital Hill, I dont care if there democrates or republicans they stand up there sound like know something, they stand up there, sound like they know something... they all still wake up in the morning, drink a cup of coffee and take a shit, there no better than I am... an they dance around the problem... say this, talk about the economic implications... but their grandfather, great-great grandfather was just like my great-great grandfather- just a bunch of monkeys swingin up in the trees, sittin there. if someone tells you they know whats going on... immediately... question them... yeah... especially the government, i dont care where the government is, it could be in Moscow, it could be in Washington DC. dont... just think we got it made. just remember that were all monkeys and thats the first think that keeps us together...

06/09/96, Jones Beach----Proudest Monkey----so a friend of mine and I- a friend of mine whos here, but weve known each other for a long time, since we were little kids... we were in Africa together one time... and we were lookin up in this tree... and theres this monkey up in the tree... and the monkey had a little hard-on... you know, a little monkey hard-on...it looked just like a man in a little... in a little hairy coat with a little hard-on... and hes pretty lax, hes just chillin out in the tree... little hard-on goin up and down... i kinda felf weird sittin there lookin at him and seein this, uh, hard-on... cause id feel kinda weird if i sat and, uh, looked at anybody elses hard-on... then i thought to myself, man, hes a money though, its different from bein a person. then i thought, aint all that different, cept monkey dont fuck up the world, do they? thats the only difference... monkeys just get hard ons and eat bananas...

06/11/96---This is one of my best friends...it took me a little while to know him, but once you do know him, he never leaves, this is my friend Jack Daniels.

06/14/96 (someone throws a joint onto the stage)---Ill smoke it later, thanks. -------(when Dave comes back on stage for the encore)----Ive got to get back to the bus, my friend Jack Daniels is in there. Hes a hard man to get rid of.
06/18/96-- Polaris Ampitheater, Columbus, OH ---Yall two in the second row there...Yall are just fuckin goofy.

HORDE, 1996, San Diego, CA---- It is nice when you can sit back with some friends, drink some beer and have a good time

06/19/96, Deer Creek, IN---(into to nancies) So, there was this one time i was walking from this place called Port Elizabeth in South Africa.. to a place called hurden(?) and it was a long fucking way. Well, I was actually hitchiking, which you can do sometimes there, and be successfull. And I was unfortunately not successfull, and I walked my skinny chicken legs off, and I thought to myself.. I thought, what the fuck am I going to do with my life? Walking around in the middle of Africa, with nothing to do. What am I going to do? What am I going to do? I said, well, hey I could be an accountant, I could be a explorer, I could be myself. could I be, somebody else.. Dont you ever wonder, could you have been.. dont you ever wonder... -----(before What Would You Say)---This next song.. we havent played this, till a couple days ago, we havent played this song in a couple years,cos, uhh, we kind of heard it a lot, but uh, now that its not played that much on the radio, we kinda figured we could start playing it again. so..

06/23/96, Marcus Amphitheater, Milwaukee, WI----Sometimes you know, I dont know if you get this way, but I just wanna say something. I dont know if youre driving down the road, you got the radio playin, you see the headlines, and you see the McDonalds, and you see the Burger King, Another Citgo, and then you got 7-11, and then you got the radio telling you to turn it up and rip the knob off, and the television keeps changing channels...I say fuck it, I say fuck it, I say its TOO MUCH!! ------(Before Lie In Our Graves) Hey, this is a song that sings about the hopes that when we all got to the end of our lives that well feel, well feel pretty good about what we did; so dont comprimise yourselfif you want to go to a fuckin island and sit there in the sand for the rest of your life, _go_ to the fuckin island! And if you want to go to the moon, _go_ to the god damn moon! And if you want to sit at home, _sit_ the fuck at home!

07/05/96, Utrecht---(After someone said boo to Daveas in booing the band)----The only boo your going to be giving me tonite is bootie! ------(To the crowd)Has anyone tried that Mustard soup? (crowed says yeah!) Was is good? Yeah, but it tasted like hot dogs!

07/19/96----Its fuckin hot but its not to hot to fuck.

09/03/96, Tampa,FL-----(referring to the inflatable roof of the Sun Dome) "I don't think we've ever played in a bubble before. What if we all lived in a big plastic bubble? We could grow the food over there, sleep over there, uhhh, grow the, uhh, combustibles over there, and leave the music right where it is!" ...(after Billies) "Oh shit man, I hit myself in the head with my geeetar!"

09/08/96----If the guy who threw that shoe is man enough to come up here and admit it to my face.........Ill shake your hand Motherfucker!

09/27/96, East Lansing-----We have Greenpeace tables set up in the concourse tonight. Stop by and see what you can do to keep the grass blue, and the skies green... or what ever colors they are supposed to be.

09/28/96----(before LIOG)---I dont wanna live too long, I dont think we should wanna live too long cause, hell, I dunno why, I dont want to live till Im 110, but while Im here even if its only for 40 years, or whatever the time is 50 years, or even if its 100, I want to try to have a good time all the time... -----(in the pause in LIOG)----I didnt mean to say, I didnt mean to say, that I wasnt gonna live as if i wanted to live to 200, i just wanted to live well, i mean, shit, id love to be 200, as long as i still drinkin whiskey, enjoying my life like i do right now, thats all i know, i didnt [mean id commit suicide?]

09/29/96, Hershey Park Stadium---(paraphrased) I think a good philosophy is...instead of Just say no....Just say yes, at least once

10/01/96, Fleetcenter, Boston, MA----New line in DIDO----God has all but left me behind so Ill make up my own God and invite him to a tea party. ------Theres a flu thing goin round up here...I dont know if you all got it but I do...I cant sing so good...I have a fuckin bullfrog down my throat and if I open up wide enough you can see him!

10/02/96--- Last night it was a bullfrog in my throat, tonight its a horse, and i hope tomorrow its not a fuckin elephant!

10/04/96, Madison Square Garden---Elephants eat their own fecal matter...

10/07/96, Penn State Univ, PA--- Its the cold and flu season...its the fall,...all the colors...red, orange, yellow...but wheres all the green???...ITS UP YOUR NOSE!!!!

10/21/96, Madison, WI----Some funny looking hats they got in town. I gotta get me one of those funny looking cheese hats. How do you style that thing? Do you put the cheese backwards or do you wear it forward?... you can wear it any way you want. Some of you tough guys can where it sideways. Yeah Ill wear one of those hats..Im bad.

10/26/96, Dallas---(before Help Myself)----This next song is a song we havent recorded...but I believe its floating around on some cassettes out there somewhere...

11/03/96, MSG--- So, we have Greenpeace tables set up somewhere out there. People are walking around from Greenpeace. If you can give them a dollar or something because if you do... youll go to Heaven.

11/05/96---Just heard Micheal Jackson was elected president... well shit, at least well be allowed to dance ----cold and flu season is here...gives me this little problem...I AM SNOT-MAN!

11/07/96, Seattle----Drank too much coffee, and now Im all freaked out!

11/09/96---- Its great to be here in San Francisco at the Cow Palace, which means you can shit on the floor here at the Cow Palace! ----(some girl in the very front center got up on someones shoulders and flashed Dave. He kind of went crazy and made some really goofy remarks like:) this pretty little girl in the front just showed me her pretty little boobs! ----- Gotta get a prescription for 420 here in California. Prescription for the KIND. [ referring to passing of prop. 215 in CA, legalizing pot if prescribed by a doctor]

11/17/96, UC San Diego, RIMAC---Its cold and flu season and I feel like theres a Clydesdale in my throat

11/96, Modern Rock Live----Five years for now, im going to be a squid, Ill be a squid in five years... (talking about the band's occasional fighting) "when the bruises have faded from Carter's neck, then we're back to loving each other and playing in the daisies"...(announcing what they are playing next) "Cooking chillies, better known as Tripping Billies, and #41 cleverly named that because it came after song #40."

12/03/96, Champaign-----Sorry Im a little throaty this evening. Its cause Ive been smoking too much. ----I was hanging around the campus today looking at yall. I was disguised as a rabbit. ----(Before Christmas Song) This is a seasonal tune. Its not necessarily religious, its more just about someone I admire....Some people think this is a clap along song, but its not a clap along song.

12/05/96----(before Help Myself) This is a song that isnt on any of our CDs. Its probably floating around on some tapes or import CDs. Its called Help Myself. ------(before Christmas Song) This is a seasonal song. Its not about Santa Claus, but about the other guy. Its not about Santa Claus, but about the other guy that we think of during Christmas. I dont consider myself a religious man, but I really like this guy....

12/16/96---(before Dancing Nancies)----Dave starts talking about the computer internet freaks who are going to end up blowing up the world with all their damn computers.

12/96----US Air Arena, Landover, MD----(Dave is talking about different sections of the arena. Pointing to where there were people in sky boxes) "The people up there are smokin' that marijuana!"
01/20/97----when dave first came on stage he had a piece of of paper in his hand and he said, I have a message from Bill who is in the 7th row. this message is a request. it says DAVE- PLEASE play lover lay down because if you play that, i will get laid by my girlfriend, Jill. Then dave says, hey Bill, i wrote the damn song, if anything, Jill and I should be getting it on tonight!

06/06/97, Spac,Saratoga, NY----(at the end of Lie In Our Graves, Dave says) "hey ya'll, I just want to say something to all ya'll up front here. You big big guys, the big boys up here that are jumping on top of the crowd, man, fuck you, it's not cool, it's not cool, a little girl got hurt, she's in the back here, she got hurt cause some stupied mother fuckers gotta kick her in the head, so just chill out right, thats all, just have a good fucking time tonight"

06/13/97, Greatwoods Ampitheatre, Mansfield, MA---"I've been meaning to mention this for a while. We've got some friends with us tonight. They just want to make sure that when the skie's blue, it's really blue, and when the trees grow ,they grow tall, and when the whales swim they don't have to worry about getting dah dah dah. We got Greenpeace here with us tonight. If you could just drop a dollar or whatever you have in one of their hats on your way out... you go to heaven... I don't know if heaven's real but if there's a heaven then you go there. That';s guaranteed. I can see it now. You get up to the gates of heaven and it goes and it'll go something like this: I see you smoking that marijuana cigarette, and i see, i see you drink that liquor, and I seen you fool around with that guy up on the lawn at that rock and roll concert, and ive seen you do a lot of bad things, but you gave a dollar to greenpeace so come on in and have a seat next to me." (Intro to Tripping Billies)

07/05/97----(Talking about Greenpeace's donation collectors) "If you don't want to sign up, just throw a dollar in there, and if there is a heaven, I'm not saying there is or there isn't, I don't know... shit. But if there is, and you put a dollar in the greenpeace sign, y'all go straight into heaven"....(Speaking to people on the lawn) "How y'all doin' upstairs?... How's everybody doing on the grass? Grass is nice, grass is good, grass is good... I like being on the grass myself sometimes. Grass is good."

02/08/98, Virginia Tech, Blacksburg, VA---- "I got a story about boogers for you a little bit later. It's a combination of romance and boogers and it's not spitting in your hand and abusing yourself either. It's just- it's just romance and boogers. Young puppy puppy love and boogers"...

"There was a girl i was really into when i was about 15, 14. She was 15, 14. It's ok to say that, when i was 15 or 14. When i was 14. Let's say 14. She had this little...little 14 year old body and it was very nice. Next thing you know i'll be on Jenny Jones talking about 14 year old's bodies. (dave giggles like a school girl). Umm...but, uh...I was so into her. I was trying everything in my power to get to her. To get to young Tanya and than i had it one day. I was aiming at kissing at that stage so closing the deal would have been to suck on her lips a bit, but umm...i was swimming in the pool and we were all having fun and stuff and it was cold and it was a hot day and than- than she was comin' out of the water like in the ads like the magazines. I was so excited, i was all excited. And she had the biggest, nastiest green booger hangin' out of her nose!!!

It was a panic reaction I mean. My-my. What i wanted to say was 'Jesus- Jesus Christ there is a huge nasty booger hangin' but what i said was 'you got- you got a little somethin, you got a little somthing here' but there was nothing small about it. Still to this day she has no idea that that happened. So it took me about four and a half years to recover but i close the deal four and a half years later/ By which time kissing wasn't the only thing on my mind. Romance, Puppy Love and Boogers!"......

"Oh, God, caffeine is killing me! I'm gonna bite my teeth right out of my face! Sometimes i irritate myself and to make matters worse i drank a lot of coffee today and I'm irritating myself. (Dave talking about himself)... He's trying to say absolutely nothing but very loudly...BAAHHHHH BAAAHHHHHH."

"This is for the- this is- this is for the lonely boys in the audience. If you- if you want. This is for the lonely boys in the audience. If you put on lady's deodorant and paint your fingernails, you can have a great time by yourself. Hell yeah. You look a lot different. 'Who's that? I don't know that person. They smell great too!'"

As the intro to "Let You Down" begins, somebody yells "UVA SUCKS!!!" Dave replies with "I don't know, I've never been there." After more yelling about UVA, Dave continues with, "Oh do shut up, would you? I don't care what you think about UVA. My dear man, tell your mother, go and make a phone call and tell your mother that you don't like UVA. Dont tell me, I don't care."

04/18/98, Victory Stadium, Roanoke, VA----(someone throws bra on stage)... "My stagehand collects all of the bras that are thrown on stage and built a big shrine of them and worships them. Ahh shit I'm just lying that's the first bra I've ever had thrown at me."

5/15/98, The Gorge Amphitheatre, George, WA---- "Maybe if all the politicians out there would just take a few minutes to sit back, listen to some Dave Matthews Band, and smoke some pot, maybe the world wouldn't be so fucked up."

05/24/98, Red Rocks Amphitheatre, CO----(putting on a stocking cap a la LL Cool J) "I'm gonna knock you out!"

05/27/98, Bonner Springs, KS-----"I put on a sweater cause I thought it would be cold today, and now I'm just all nasty, nasty, nasty!....(introducing the opening band Poi Dog Pondering) "I guess the early bird, gets the bird,...or something like that. But I guess the late gets the steak."

05/29/98, World Amphitheatre, Tinley, IL----(before Pig) "Sometimes when you look at the television...and sometimes when you listen to the radio...and they stop off at the McEE Dees..and you just watch everybody goin (makes eating noises)...and it's (more eating noises)...(more noises)"...(before Jimi Thing Dave was talking to the crowd and some one was shining a laser pointer on him) "I forgot what I was saying now, I forgot what I was saying. I think...I think my name is Jimi."

05/30/98, Alpine Valley, Troy, WI----(upon kicking a beach ball and hitting some guy in the second row in the head) ..."I'm truly sorry, I meant to kick it way up there, but fuck I never played soccer."...."I don't know about you all, but this has been one fuckin rememberal night for me."

05/31/98, Riverport Amphitheatre, St. Louis, Missouri----"How's everybody doin' tonight...are the beers cold?..is everything burning the way it should burn?" ...(near the end of The Stone, Dave's strings broke, as they brought him another guitar) "I wish I played the tuba, no strings to fuck up on the tuba!" Maybe I should take up the tuba, no strings to pluck on that little mother fucker."...(At the end of the song) "Hope you'll having a good time even though I come here with my shit all busted."... "Sometimes I feel like a nut"

06/02/98, Riverbend Music Center, Cincinatti, OH----(after playing Best of What's Around, responding to a sign being held up by two girls on the lawn)...I see you have Bud (the beer) for me up there. Well, something tells me you're not representing the frogs. Maybe we can get together after the show tonight if fate is kind."

06/07/98, Giants Stadium, East Rutheford, NY----"Yo, DUDE, Get that Fuckin' red light off me"

07/25/98, Sony Blockbuster Amphitheatre, Camden, NJ---- "I'm wearing a long shirt so when i sweat it's gonna drip down on my pants and look like i wet myself"

07/26/98, Saratoga Performing Arts Center(SPAC), Saratoga Springs, NY----(speaking to the people in the audience with laser pointers) "Listen, I'm glad you guys are all having a great time, and I'm sure you all are very nice people, but will you turn that mother fucker off--I've been staring at it for 45 fucking minutes. Thank you."

07/28/98, Blossom Music Center, Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio----"How ya'll doing up on dat grass?....I know some people down here on it."..."Take care of each other, look out for one another. If you don't want to, don't, but if you do want to, do."... "Whoever has the laser pointer, I will find and KILL you! A-S-S-H-O-L- E!"

07/29/98, Hershey Stadium, Hershey, PA----"I remember coming here when I was a kid. I used to ride on the Superdooperlooper, yeah."...(talking to someone in the audience) "Don't squeeze my beautiful friend too much...'cause she's my friend."...(talking to the crowd of people in front) "Y'all need to stop all that pushing. Instead of doing all that forward and backward stuff, you should be moving up and down" (referring to dancing)...."Did y'all get enough chocolate? (a pause and some mumbling) I was here once, when I was a kid." (then Dave starts walking around the stage like some caffiene-crazed zombie)

08/01/98, Hartford Meadows, Hartford, CT----(after some assholes had been shining laser pointers all over the place, including the stage) "There's some guys over there with those pens thinkin' they're all cool - look at me with my pen, I'm trippin', look at me with my pen, I'm trippin! And before one of the red dots takes his eyes out, I just wanna say, Carter Beauford on the drums is my hero!"

08/07/98, Starwood Amphitheater, Antioch, TN----"Y'all look like you got velcro on your asses"

10/31/98, Oakland Arena, Oakland CA----"we all gonna go trick 'o treatin' later on? get some candy. Bring those aliens down there. Take me to your leader! Get some of that alien ass (quietly)."

11/17/98, Maple Leaf Gardens, Ontario Canada----"The froggy's on the potty."

12/98, WBCN Boston----(When asked what he's doing for Christmas) "I'm going home. To my lover, my mother, my sister and uh.. not all the same person I might add."

12/14/98, Bradley Center, Milwaukee, WI----(before the christmas song) "well this is a song about some guy that was real cool and tried to help out some other guys. this is a song about some guy that got screwed. hope ya'll like it"

12/19/98, United Center, Chicago, IL----(telling crowd that the show was being broadcasted on the internet) "i love all those little computer people there so fucking fun".. (he was typing in the air while he was saying it all)

01/19/99, Landmark Theatre, Richmond, VA----(couldn't get a word in all night cause of these couple of guys who where screaming and yelling. So then he starts talking about how they can take out anger and after numerous attempts to make everyone quiet)... "What you can do is when you go home tonight paint your fingernails red, or whatever your girlfriend has and then put on some ladies deodorant (puts his arm under his leg in a masturbating position) and masturbate ..So for all of you who feel the need to fill the silence go and do this...it was just a suggestion"

1/20/99, Buruss Auditorium, Blacksburg, VA---- (Audience yelling for "Freebird") "Trey from Phish told me that there should be a law that everytime someone screams "Freebird" that the band should have to play it by law and then people would sotp for it for sure. 1/23/99, Fisher Auditorium (Indiana University of Pennsylvania), Indiana, Pennsylvania----"Love is beautiful but there's nothin' like a good wank"..."Look at this guy sitting here thinkin' of songs he knows and yellin' them out like a fool, none of you women go home with that guy!"

1/29/99, Landmark Theatre, Syracuse, NY----(Dave responding to a jerk in the audience who keeps screaming Freebird) "Here's your Freebird!!" (flicking the guy off)..."I just turned 33 a little while ago. And I still masturbate everyday."

02/27/99, Luther College,Decorah, Iowa----(Holding up his hands like he's holding a small bottle) "Afrin - It's legal and it's good." When I was 11(?)after my dad died I got a big brother. He used to use Afrin all the time (a couple fake sniffs). He was really addicted. One day his nose fell down, just collapsed. He had to get surgery to get it repaired. I was thinking about that a few years ago when I realized it probably wasn't the afrin he was addicted to"...(Sometime before the show the college gave him a beer warmer and a shot glass. He brought them out on stage) "I don't know who makes the rules around here, but I thought these things were supposed to come with something in them!" (He then added that they would be used, and only with "good spirits").

02/16/99, Ryman Auditorium, Nashville, TN----"I was sleeping at a hotel one night, and I'm getting kind of hungry. I ask the front desk for some good food around, and they suggest this chinese place nearby. I'm thinkin, 'good. i like chinese food.' So I go back up to my room and call the number they give me. This guy answers and he's like, "HELLO! YOU HAVE REACHED BLAH BLAH BLAH QUALITY CHINESE RESTERAUNT!" I ordered some egg rolls and a drink and some sushi or somethin', and he says, 'NO! THERE IS A $20 LIMIT!' and he hangs up. So i call back and after a few tries of the same... experience... I manage to think up a lot of chinese stuff, ordering like 7 of each thing, and finally the guy goes, "THAT'S $23.50! GOOD JOB, BUDDY!'"... "I'm wearin' a starched shirt tonight, and it makes me uncomfortable. I usually don't wear starched shirts, but tonight I am. And it's scratchin' me."...

(some guy in the audience):" YO, TIM, YOU'RE STONED!"
Dave: "Whoa, NEWSFLASH! Not exactly a big discovery there. People do that on tv all the time, tellin' people stuff they already know. People at CNN are STILL talkin' about the impeachemnt." (that was a few weeks after clinton was acquitted.) ..."You in the back - SHUT UP AND LET ME TALK!" ..."You guys are louder than me, and i've got all this equipment to make me louder."

3/6/99 Union Hall, Phoenix, AZ ----
Dave: "this song...how do I explain this song....this song is about..eh...."
Girl: "ME!"
Dave: "yes, cute little thing isn't she?"

(later on...making fun of all the idiots yelling "leaglize marijuana" , "4:20")
(under his breathe but still in the mic)Dave: "what are y'all talking about...(now loud and very sarcastic)...marijuana, Afrin, Asprin, Af-
Drunk Sailor Type: "Let's hear Tim!"
Dave: "Afri-...YOU WANNA HEAR TIM? YOU'LL HEAR TIM...WHEN WE DECIDE YOU'LL HEAR TIM! DON'T YOU BOSS ME AROUND, BUDDY OR I'LL COME OUT THERE AND KICK YOU IN THE ASS! LET'S HEAE TIM MAN, LET'S HEAR TIM...WHEN WE WANT TIM TO BE HEARD, HE WILL BE, AND ABSOLUTELY NOT BECAUSE OF YOU!"...

Dave: "I got a pretty good idea who the big voices belong to"
Drunk Sailor Type: "you should see me naked"
Dave: (in a south african accent) "No, no, I shouldn't" (and then he and tim went STRAIGHT into #41 without another sound)...

(kid complains he can't here dave so he yells "Dave, Louder!")
Dave: "Shutup, and it'll be loud enough!"...
Boy: "DAAAAANNNNNNNNCCCCCCCIIIIINNNNNNNNGGGGGG NNNAAAANNNNCCCCIIIIEEESSSS!" (gets a rather large support from the rest of the crowd)
Girl: "I second that motion."
Dave: (singing to "I Second That Emotion") "I second that emotion. Good one, girle!"...

(to a young man that referred to Tim Reynolds rather incorrectly )...
Boy: "Hey, Dave's Bitch!"
Tim (yes, TIM): "Don't make me kick your ass, boy!"

7/7/99 Coors Amphitheatre, San Diego -- "We've been on the road for a while now and, uh, everywhere we go it's HOT. Here . . . it's just cool

7/24/99 Woodstock '99, Rome, NY---- ( Dave notices the blimp that is doing the aerial filming for the show from its vantage point over the crowds.) "Wait a...but wait a minute...but wait.... What's that up in the sky? It looks like a great b-...it looks like a great big JOHNSON!!" (says something to Carter that makes him chuckle then returns to the microphone and scans the audience: "Sometimes there's an abundance of things, and sometimes there's a lack. Today there's an abundance of...titties!"

8/1/99 Nissan Pavilion, Bristow, VA----after kicking a beach ball off the stage during a song: "Man i kicked that ball and I thought it was going for the middle of the field before i kicked it (field is 200 yards away), but i hit this lady in the front row in the face. she's probably sayin (in a high lady voice)'oh everythings gettin dark..what happened"

8/4/99 Hershey Park Stadium, Hershey, Pa--- (After some people in the front rows kept throwing beach balls on stage and after one nearly hit Dave) "If that would have hit me, I would have came down there and kicked all yalls asses...HAHAHA!!!" 6/29/00 Soldier Field, Chicago, IL----(When speaking about playing at Soldier Field for the first time)"This is the first time we've been here, this place is kinda big . . . . Why don't we make it feel nice and small, like a bedroom, and we're all sitting on the edge of the bed, passing one around.

??/??/93---This goes out to all of you who see the image and to those who seek to see the image.

??/??/93---"I love pot, i love it so much. Damn, today i was just like. Buddy lets flip some biscuits!"

??/??/??----"A man asks Dave if he can go up on stage with him and Dave says, "Come up on stage? Get your own fuckin stage."

??/??/??----(before Recently, you know how Dave likes to say weird stuff..some people like to smoke a bowl, some don't , etc) "Some people like to look at the paper after they wipe their ass...some don't." ??/??/??-----I feel like shit tonight so heres the remix.........could I have been the King of Diarrhea.

??/??/??----*Boyd: Cause if it werent for Dave wed all be working at McDonalds saying, Can I take your order please? *Dave: Id be managing fries.

??/??/??----(after some fool wouldnt stop yelling)--- ...Or else ninjas will come to your house and kick your fucking ass!

??/??/??----(before Jimi Thing)---Im sorry for seeming a little crazy, I kinda hurt my hand, and the doctor gave me a bunch of steroids that got me all fucking crazy. Then I smoked a lot of fucking pot and that got me REALLY fucking crazy. Heres a song about getting HIIIIIIIIIIIIGH!

??/??/??, Crashing The Quarter----Look at me, Im sweating like a pig, look at my pants, I swear to God I didnt piss in my pants, I swear, I used to wet by bed up until I was 11, but not anymore, I swear.